Fear is a liar. It whispers things in your ear that leave you paralyzed and scared. One acronym for FEAR is:
- False
- Evidence
- Appearing
- Real
Oftentimes, change elicits fear. The thoughts about change create a tidal wave of what if’s, loss, and fear of the unknown. The False Evidence Appears Real – that evidence being bad things will happen. The key to overcoming the fear is to think things through.
Most fear is based on a series of beliefs or worries that are usually larger than what really happens. Even if something less than ideal happens, it’s generally not that bad. The problem with change that feels hard is that it feels attached to us as a person, not just a situation. Here’s what I mean.
Here are some typical responses to negative change and the alternative thinking that can alleviate the fear.
Initial Fear: I’m losing something I can’t get back and things will never be the same. This fear is a righteous worry. It may feel like things are going to be lost and that life is never going to be the same but what does that mean? Fear thinks life will be all bad, all the time from here on out. That what is lost is the best it will ever be and all of life will be measured from this reference point.
Alternative Response: There may be a great loss at this moment, but you are not alone. You have support and in time you will rise from this experience. You will learn and you will become wiser. This situation will not define you and you get to choose how you manage this change.
Initial Fear: I have failed, and I am being rejected. Fear may tell you that your circumstance is your fault and that you are being rejected because you are a bad person. Even if you caused the situation you are facing, you aren’t bad even though your behavior might be. The good news is you can change your behavior and your outcomes will change, too.
Alternative Response: Some change is freak-accident style, and some is entirely due to poor choices. Guilt is what makes you take it personally. If you did contribute to the issue at hand, you can take the steps needed to stop and get things back on track without letting guilt and fear stop you.
There are all sorts of changes out there. For the ones that feel scary, face your fears and expose them for what they are – paper tigers. Don’t let fear stop you from stepping into the uncharted waters of change. You can handle more than you realize and facing your fears will prove that to you.
