A newlywed woman was preparing a canned ham. She opened the ham, placed it on a cutting board and cut both ends off the ham. She tossed them into the trash much to her husband’s surprise. He asked her why she cut off pieces of the ham and threw them away? She responded that’s what her mother always did, so it must be the right way. Her husband shared that his mother never cut the ends off the ham so that must not be the only way.
Confused, the newlywed called her mother and shared the story. She asked her mother why she always cut the ends off the ham and threw them away? Her mother replied she cut the ends off to make the ham fit into the only baking dish she had which was too small for a full-sized ham.
This silly story emphasizes how people adopt habits from the influences in their lives. How they lived as a child and the way things were ‘done’ becomes normalized. When the experiences are positive, it can be wonderful but if the experiences were negative, it can cause problems in the future.
Not Everyone Knows they are Being Negative
Negativity isn’t always on our radar. How we react to things may simply be automatic and without much thought. A lot of times it isn’t until we stop and think about it or someone points it out that we become aware of how negative we may be.
Once it’s on our mind and we become aware, it’s a great time to examine the past to change the future.
How Did your Family Handle Conflict?
A lot of negative mindsets come from times of conflict. Parents that didn’t model positive conflict resolution often create negative associations with conflict. Children learn what they are exposed to. It’s entirely possible that how you resolve conflict needs to change. Reviewing how your family handled conflict can help you make better choices for the future.
How Did your Family Speak to One Another and to Other People?
Children are like sponges- they soak up everything around them. If you grew up hearing your family speak poorly to each other and about other people, it may feel normal to be negative. Instead of celebrating other people, you may have been exposed to gossip and jealousy. Instead of being complimentary, your family may have been critical. These experiences may have been so normal that you didn’t know there was a better way.
As an adult, you may have become aware of the negativity and want to make changes. Looking back at the past can help you identify where the patterns of negativity began. That will make it easier to resolve the past and move forward with a more positive future.
