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How we socialize and who we spend our time with is determined by a lot of factors. Factors like-

• The dynamics of our family
• Where we work
• Our Geography
• Access to like-minded people

Each of these plays a large roll in what we do with our free time and how closely related what we do socially is to our identity.

Our family dynamics determine our social life – When we parent, a lot of what we do for fun is focused on our children. Attending activities and events and hanging out with people connected to our children’s activities tends to fill our time.

Where we work determines our social life – Many people spend their on and off-duty time with their co-workers because that’s the pool of people they have access to regularly.  In many cases, co-workers become close friends and the people you think of first to hang out with.

Where we live determines our social life – Geography has a lot to do with friendships. Beginning in school when our classrooms determine our playmates. Our home address has a lot to do with who we have access to for our social lives.

Access to like-minded people determines our social life – To the extent we have access to people who enjoy the same things we do, our lives may feel more or less fulfilling.

Sometimes the people we have access to or the activities we have to choose from don’t mesh with our true selves. Sometimes there is a disconnect between how we want to be socially and how we get to be. Limitations like geography, stage of life, and lack of peers can damper meaningful social activities and create a social identity crisis.

If you enjoy activities that aren’t possible for you because of family dynamics, work commitments, or lack of people who enjoy the same activities you may be improvising or denying yourself the fun you truly want. You may be a hiker masquerading as a soccer mom, or a chef forced to volunteer weekends for work. It can be frustrating to socialize in ways that don’t mesh with your heart’s desire.

It’s important to find ways to plug into the social group you want to be a part of even if you can’t make it a primary focus all the time. Finding ways to experience the social climate you truly want can help you feel less frustrated and could open doors to more fun-filled activities. Do what you can to express yourself socially in genuine ways so you feel like you aren’t missing out on the people, places, and activities that you truly want to be a part of.