When it comes to making our own decisions, we lean on the Law of Attribution. This law states that people attribute their reasons for making decisions on their circumstances and the reasons others make decisions on their character. This means when you make a poor decision, you can attribute it to something outside yourself that caused you to fall short, whereas someone else’s poor decision is due to their stupidity.
Not fair, but it happens all the time.
Another thing that happens frequently is someone making a decision you don’t support. What happens when someone decides something you can’t get on board with?
- You judge them
- You nag them
- You worry
- You overcompensate
- And more
Witnessing someone else’s poor decisions is painful. A bad wardrobe choice might be cringe-worthy but choices like drug use, marrying the wrong person, or other dangerous decisions could be dire. It’s our nature to warn those we love when we see them making a poor choice, but do we have the right to expect them to listen? Is our wisdom enough to stop them from making a mistake?
Sometimes you have to support someone who is making a choice you don’t agree with. Outside of illegal decisions, it is possible to provide support for decisions you don’t endorse. Here are 3 tips how:
Tip #1. Speak and then hold your peace: Depending on the relationship you have with someone, you may want to share your thoughts about their choice and how you feel about it. Once you have shared your well-thought-out opinion, hold your peace. When and if things go wrong, you are under no obligation to step in unless it is the right thing to do. Facing any fallout or consequences for their decision is part of the process. If you’ve warned them, it is fine to let them manage their outcomes.
Tip #2. Let the chips fall where they may: Some people learn through wise counsel and some through the school of hard knocks. Let go of your vision of how things should be and make space for how things are. If someone you love is making a poor decision, they may need to let the chips fall before they make a better decision. Give them space and time to do that. It may be hard to watch, but pain is a powerful teacher.
Tip #3. Practice forgiveness and mercy: Depending on the age and functioning level of the person making a poor choice, use their misstep and regret to practice forgiveness and show mercy. If someone has made a poor choice and is repentant, that can help them learn and grow. Your kindness may make all the difference in their experience.
People make choices we don’t agree with. We may be able to see farther down the road than they can, or we may just have a sense that their choices are not going to work out. You can love a person and dislike their decisions. Ultimately, they must face the realities for their decisions while you support them at arm’s length.
