As you begin to flex your boundary-setting muscles, you may find that you struggle with a number of emotions. As we discussed yesterday, guilt is something that often comes with this process. When you’re not used to prioritizing your own needs, it’s easy to feel guilty when doing so. You also may notice that you often question yourself as you practice this new skill. It’s common to wonder if you’re doing the right thing or if you should have handled things differently. Centering yourself may not feel like the right decision when you’ve been taught to put others’ comfort before your own. Feelings of self-doubt are normal during this period. As you become more confident in setting and adhering to your own limits, this feeling will diminish. In the meantime, follow these steps to help you overcome the self-doubt that comes with setting boundaries.
Give Yourself Permission
You can push self-doubt aside when you give yourself explicit permission to set boundaries. Reminding yourself of the benefits that come with limit-setting is a good way to increase your confidence. You’ll feel more set in your convictions when you allow yourself to create and stick to healthy boundaries.
Consider the Alternative
Another great way to feel better about your decision to set limits with others is to think about the alternative. What would happen if you didn’t set this boundary? How would you feel? Would your relationship suffer? What about your self-esteem? Asking questions like this and considering the alternative will help you to feel more resolved in your initial decision.
Explore the Feeling
If you find yourself noticing self-doubt creep in, take some time to explore and assess that feeling to determine where it is coming from. Why are you questioning yourself? Perhaps it’s because you’ve been socialized to be a people pleaser. Maybe it’s due to a desire not to hurt someone else’s feelings. Once you pinpoint the source of your discomfort, you can begin to address it and to remind yourself the reason behind the boundary you set. Your self-doubt will start to disappear.
Seek Help
If you’re having trouble dealing with self-doubt associated with boundary setting on your own, you may need to seek some support to help you figure things out. Asking a trusted friend for input may be all you need to reassure you that you’re doing the right thing for yourself. It’s also possible that seeing a professional therapist might be the kind of support you need. Sometimes we need to delve deep into our past in order to determine the reasons behind our actions and to help us make healthy decisions moving forward.
These tips should help you to manage any self-doubt you have around boundary setting. You’ll start to feel less of this as you practice and hone your skills. Just remember, you have the right to set limits for yourself and that it is a healthy habit.
