There’s no absolute right or wrong way to set boundaries. After all, the process is a personal one. Each person’s limitations will be different and should be based upon their own life circumstances and needs. The ways in which you create and enforce your personal boundaries are something that only you can determine. However, in order for others to respect the limits you set, there are some things you’ll want to put in place. Consistency and direct communication are two items that should be part of your boundary setting process. You’ll need to be direct with other people if you expect them to adhere to your wishes. Continue reading to see what I mean.
Why Be Direct
Direct communication doesn’t leave room for uncertainty. When you state your boundaries and your expectations clearly and concisely, the people around you know what to expect. They’re less likely to misinterpret your meaning. You’ll be sure to be on the same page when you are direct in what you want. In addition, directness decreases the chances that people will try to push your boundaries. After all, they can’t say they didn’t know what you meant when you made your expectations clear upfront. There are no excuses for not respecting your wishes. You’ll avoid misunderstandings and resentment this way.
Examples of Directness
Directness in boundary setting requires clear and concise language. Use short statements with actions verbs in order to get your point across. For example, you may wish to tell your team at work that late work is unacceptable. This is a direct and clear statement. It lets the relevant personnel know that you are serious about adhering to deadlines. To be even more clear, you can add another statement regarding the penalties for being late. Some supervisors leave things ambiguous by simply stating that they’d prefer work be handed in on time. This is not a direct statement and leaves a great bit of wiggle room.
How to Enforce Direct Boundaries
Enforcing boundaries requires a consequence. Each consequence will be dependent upon the infraction and the setting, of course. Consequences also depend upon the person you are dealing with. For instance, you aren’t likely to cut a person out of your life for canceling on plans with you once. However, someone who regularly flakes on event plans may pay a social penalty. Consequences should be discussed and laid out clearly. In addition, it’s important that you follow through on any statements you make to ensure your boundaries aren’t pushed in the future.
When it comes to boundaries, it doesn’t usually work to be wishy washy. Direct communication is key to successful boundary setting.
