Everyone needs change now and then. Choosing change is superior to reacting to change, but it’s possible to manage both when you know how. Dealing with personal changes is enough for some people. Most people know themselves well enough to muddle through the bad times and celebrate the good times, but what happens when you are part of a support system for someone else going through changes?
Supporting loved ones as they go through a change can feel like a roller coaster. The twists and turns come out of nowhere and it can feel overwhelming. That’s because most people are “fixers” – which is a perfectly normal response to have to change. If your loved one is facing a change that looks like a problem, it is natural to want to help fix things so everyone can feel safe and calm again. The problem is, some things can’t be fixed, they must be navigated through to the other side.
You can support your loved ones during difficult changes.
In order for loved ones to manage difficult change, there are some very specific things to keep in mind:
- They need your emotional stability
- They do better when you listen well
- They have their own timeline to adjust
Be a rock: If the issue at hand is a tough one, the best thing you can do is show up with your game face on. This isn’t the time to let yourself be overcome with emotions. There is a time and a place for your own self-care. When supporting loved ones through challenging change, they will do better if you are emotionally stable and level-headed.
Listen well: It might be your nature to do things, but it serves your loved one best if you set aside doing and focus on listening. A lot of the processes associated with change include stages of overwhelm, anger, depression, and accepting what has happened. During each part of the process, your loved one will benefit from verbally sorting things out. Don’t put too much emphasis on what is being said because they may change their minds often as they sort things out. Focus on being present and being an excellent listener.
Don’t rush things: Everyone has their own timeline for healing or adjusting to big changes. It’s important not to set an expectation for your loved one to move on, get over things, or adjust. If an unreasonable amount of time has passed, suggest some outside help like counseling or coaching as a way to provide additional support. Resist the urge to expect them to be “better” on your timeframe, it’s an unfair expectation.
Watching a loved one navigate difficult change can be harder than going through it yourself. The urge to make things better can be overwhelming. Resist the urge to get your hands dirty and instead practice supportive actions that provide stability and grace.
