Divorce is at an all-time high around the globe. Some statistics state that the divorce rate is close to 50% for first-time married couples and the rate jumps higher for subsequent marriages. Even when divorce means moms and dads might be better off, it still carries a negative impact that changes families.
Going through a divorce ranks as one of the biggest life changes. Sometimes a divorce is a relief and sometimes it creates a painful timeframe where families are raw and left to adjust to some very big changes. Even the most amicable divorces have collateral damage and changes that require time and energy to manage. Here are some do’s and don’ts for successfully working through the changes of divorce.
Do’s
- Do recognize the intensity of the situation for everyone involved
- Do pay attention to the needs of each family member
- Do get help when the time is right
The intensity of the situation is different for everyone- The changes surrounding a divorce impact each family member in unique ways. It is important to recognize that each family member is going through the change in ways another might not relate to. There is no cookie-cutter way to experience divorce.
Pay attention to the needs of each family member- Since everyone is experiencing their own brand of change, it is important to hone in on how to best support each person. Pay attention, ask questions, and do what you can to offer support – even when you are hurting, too.
Get help when you need it- From finding a sitter so you can cool off when you feel stressed to therapy for you or a family member, there comes a time when you need help. Be sure to ask for support and allow those who love you to help you out. Be aware of the needs of kiddos and make sure they have someone to talk to if they need to sort things out.
Don’ts
- Don’t forget that everyone manages change differently
- Don’t let anger or resentment show in front of children
- Don’t forget that you will heal with time
Don’t expect anything specific- You may think you know how you and your family will manage the changes of divorce, but you may be surprised. Don’t cookie-cutter the expectations and don’t be alarmed if something comes out of left field.
Keep your cool in front of the kids- Divorce is tough. Some days are better than others and sometimes your anger or sadness gets the best of you. Be sure to keep your emotions in check in front of kids and only share age-appropriate information if you must share difficult news.
Time really does heal your wounds- The intensity and frequency of the changes during divorce are acute in the beginning but start to lessen over time. Hang in there, get help, and be kind to yourself and your loved ones as you manage big changes.
Divorce is a change that changes families. It’s one of the biggest life-altering changes families face. Consider these do’s and don’ts to help make the changes more bearable.
