Gary Chapman is the creator of the Five Love Languages concept. This concept ranks the ways we give and receive love into five categories-
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Chapman believes each of us has a primary love language and we can have an overlap of more than one language as well. How we give and receive love is based on our primary, and secondary, love languages. In relationships, knowing someone else’s love languages can help you connect and build deeper trust.
Your love language is a form of communication. How you give and receive love is communicating to other people that you care and that they matter. When you feel connected and understood communication flows easily.
Here’s how to break down the love languages into forms of communication
Words of affirmation- You can communicate with this love language by speaking life into other people. Writing notes that affirm and edify people is a great way to communicate that you care. You can also encourage other people to use praise when they engage with you and let them know that hearing positive feedback is an excellent way to communicate with you. Be willing and able to speak life into people who have a words of affirmation love language.
Quality time- We know that non-verbal communication is powerful. Quality time can include being near someone or taking time to do activities one-on-one. Singling out time to be with someone communicates that they matter. Whether it’s taking time after work to connect about the day or having date night to celebrate the end of a busy week. Offering quality time to someone who values it communicates without saying a word.
Physical touch- Again, this form of communication falls in the realm of non-verbal communication. Physical touch can be restorative, encouraging, comforting, and say more than words. Hugging someone can revive their spirit and help them cope when they are feeling down. Holding hands or a gentle touch to the shoulder can be reassuring at just the right time. You can use physical touch to communicate acceptance and value which speaks volumes to someone with this love language.
Acts of service- Doing something for someone…whether they need help or not, is the best description of acts of service. This love language thrives on doing things for others as a gesture of love. In the same way, having something done for you can fill you up. Providing an act of service is a form of communication. It conveys that someone matters enough that you went out of your way to do something kind for them. For some, this could be having your spouse fill your gas tank each week, so you don’t have to. For another, it could be making coffee for your spouse and leaving it on the nightstand. It isn’t grand gestures that mean the most. Small acts of kindness communicate love and appreciation too.
Receiving gifts- Sometimes this love language gets a bad rap. Gifts may sound selfish, but upon further inspection, gifts simply mean taking the time to think about someone and communicating it through a trinket. It isn’t the value of the gift that matters, it’s the action of presenting something to someone that made you think of them. In this way, a gift could be a heart shaped rock that caught your eye on the ground. A gift could be a card from across the miles with a coffee card to let someone know they are valued. Giving gifts communicates love in a really unique way.
According to Chapman, each of us is filled up by our love languages. In a perfect world, we are able to communicate worth and value to others by studying and performing their love language, while they do the same for us. Paying closer attention to your love language and the language of those in your circle can enhance your communication and make it healthier and more effective.
